Book 2 Teaser and Editing!
Tired
- Check Okúta out! New page every week!Also, if you are dutch, check out: Pen-i, a weekly (mini) webcomic!
° An AWESOME contest started: [link] -- Personify the Seasons! I want to join and I already have 3 ideas for entries
Go check it out; the prizes are awesome! **********************************************************************
I hope to burn all my book 2 files on a DVD tomorrow, but there's one little part that has been bugging me. REALLY bugging me. And guess what... YOU can help me with it! Do remember, I need to know your opinion before tomorrow, otherwise the files will already be burned on a DVD.
The parts:
The teaser.
Assignment: Write a teaser in both English and Dutch, only using 100 words max.
Your help is needed: Grammar, spelling and is it teasing enough?
English teaser:
The story of Naraku continues! On the mystical planet Seken, time is not an issue… but sometimes the past finds its way to the present. Mayonaka, one of Naraku’s friends, has no choice but to face her past and return to her home and family. Will the reunion be worth the danger, will she be welcomed and will her journey even be necessary? Mayonaka is not the only one who has to face her past. Naraku finds out someone is set on killing her, but why does this woman hate her so much? And why does she feel so… familiar?
Dutch teaser:
Het verhaal van Naraku gaat verder! Op de magische planeet Seken heeft tijd geen betekenis… maar soms haalt het verleden het heden in. Mayonaka, één van Naraku’s vrienden, heeft geen andere keuze dan haar verleden onder ogen te zien en terug te keren naar haar geboorteplaats en familie. Echter, is de reünie het gevaar van de reis waard en is ze eigenlijk wel welkom of nodig? Mayonaka is niet de enige die haar verleden onder ogen moet zien. Naraku ontdekt dat iemand haar dood wil hebben, maar waarom haat deze vrouw haar zo? En waarom voelt zij zo… bekend?
Biography:
Assigment: write a biography, only using 75 words max.
Your help needed: grammar and making it sound good
English bio:
Kim (1983) follows her dream to become an illustrator and author. After the release of her first novel she decided to write a sequel. In those two years, she has been working on both this novel as well as improving her drawing skills. She has the goal to let the images speak for themselves and not using more words than needed. Besides that she is already working on part three and four!
Dutch bio:
Kim (1983) volgt haar droom tot illustrator en auteur. Na het uitkomen van haar eerste boek kreeg ze de smaak te pakken en schreef ze een vervolg. In twee jaar heeft ze niet alleen aan haar boek gewerkt; ook haar tekenkwaliteiten zijn verbeterd. Ze heeft als doel het beeld voor zichzelf te laten spreken en niet meer woorden te gebruiken dan nodig. Daarnaast werkt ze reeds aan zowel deel drie als deel vier!
Important! Since it's meant to be on the back of a book, it is really important it is flawless! I put my trust in you, so please don't joke about it XD I really need your help!
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People I worship:
People who bought me a 3 month DA Subscription:
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- 22nd birthday, starting March 10th 2005-
- randomly, ending December 1st 2005- Got from DA a week long free subscription
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- 23rd birthday till June 22nd 2006-
- The month of October 2006Also, since it's hard for me to give credit on (as in, pasted onto the image) the actual piece: In some pieces, brushes from
were used. On DA, I will always give credit within the description and outside whenever possible. Eternally grateful for letting me use those!Journal Links:
:!:Copyright Notice - Nobody is allowed to use ANY art pieces from me without my written permission.
My Characters
Off-DA Site links:
Project Endless Rain - DA Related!
Tsunami - Personal Page (To Infinity and Beyond Fanfiction Hosted here (Projects) )
Kitty Ocean's Boredom - Blog
Character Help Database
Serenay Moon
Devious Comments
On the mystical planet Seken, time is not an issue…but sometimes the past finds its way to the present.
(I'd leave out the dots and insert a comma instead or replace 'but' with 'yet' and start a new sentence.)
Will the reunion be worth the danger, will she be welcomed and will her journey even be necessary?
('be even necessary' sounds a bit more natural to me. Also, there's more tension if you start every 'Will...' in a new sentence)
Mayonaka is not the only one who has to face her past.
(I'd add 'however to the end of this sentence.)
Naraku finds out someone is set on killing her, but why does this woman hate her so much? And why does she feel so… familiar?
(Maybe you can try to be a bit vague about who or what is trying to kill her. It's good the way it is, but if you can cut out the 'woman' and leave the last sentence the way it is (Only replacing 'she' ) it adds a bit more mystery.)
Biography:
Kim (1983) follows her dream to become an illustrator and author.
(If you're going to presume that people already "know" you then 'continues to follow' would be better.)
She has the goal to let the images speak for themselves and not using more words than needed.
(I'd rewrite a part of that last sentence to 'She has the goal to create images that speak for themselves' and stop there. The last bit is a logical follow-up to the previous, so it needs not to be said. It'll give you some extra words to elaborate on something else. (Maybe even make a reference to stuff like keep-in-mind.))
Hope it helps. If you have question, just ask me.
--
Just because I don't comment on your work doesn't mean that I don't like it.
Sometimes silence tells more than a thousand words.
--
Tsunami -[link]
Serenay Moon - [link]
Kitty Ocean's Boredom -[link]
'Everybody tells me I'm smart, and then I laugh about their stupidity'
For the rest it looks fine. Can't see anything wrong with it. Don't have much to say bout the dutch part because I think anything sounds stupid and lame in dutch. The english parts are as good as they can be with only a hundred words. Though you should try to do something with Acro's suggestions. At any rate, good luck!
And you hate dutch? But dutch is cool T_T
--
Tsunami -[link]
Serenay Moon - [link]
Kitty Ocean's Boredom -[link]
'Everybody tells me I'm smart, and then I laugh about their stupidity'
Wish to buy Edit button by the way
--
"to protect and serve"
Co-founder of ~kisame-club
Founder of ~taikunafansunite
Member of ~TF-Obsessions and *GimmeYaoi
--
Tsunami -[link]
Serenay Moon - [link]
Kitty Ocean's Boredom -[link]
'Everybody tells me I'm smart, and then I laugh about their stupidity'
--
"to protect and serve"
Co-founder of ~kisame-club
Founder of ~taikunafansunite
Member of ~TF-Obsessions and *GimmeYaoi
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